Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
