He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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