I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
