hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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