I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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