if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize