I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
