And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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