After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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