I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
