he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
