I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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