Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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