Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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