Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
