I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
