If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
