the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Help. Why am I so naked?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
