We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Jerry, you need to find god
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
sex in a hospital.. check
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
