Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
