Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I party with great urgency now.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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