i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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