I accidentally burped into my bong.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
