so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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