i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
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