is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
True strength comes from lack of pants
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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