Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
