You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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