Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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