yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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