It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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