Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
