I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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