he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I am mentally ready for anal.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
