I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
