So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
