Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
