I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
