did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
