The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
