It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize