and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
