Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
