I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
