My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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