I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
