the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
