i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
