Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
