It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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