youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
