didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
