i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize