i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Hippo gnu deer
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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