she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
