I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
