no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
