Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
