And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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