look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
