My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
