TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
