I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize