Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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