I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
