I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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