After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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