i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We left the knife in your bed.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
