My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
