I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
