At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
