by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
