I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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