I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
