I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
