barbara walters just said penis...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
