Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
