16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
