operation have a gay friend backfired
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
