I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
The best revenge is premature balding
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
