i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
