I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
