You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
