Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
