TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
