Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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