Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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