fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
