it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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