I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
