Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
