She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
