i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
