I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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