i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
