Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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