I faked an abortion last night.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
