I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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