ya dads aren't the best wingmen
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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