They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
