i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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