Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
