Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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