Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
