Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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