She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
