she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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