I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
