Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I have fence marks all over my body
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
