make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
