i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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